Things I Never Got to Know (2010)
Crowds of new faces that felt like old memories long unprovoked and hidden in the most obscure places. Hot nights with the bedsheets sticking to me and abstract thoughts beyond my grasp, motivated by the weather as if the expanse of the universe had transpired to alter the past by a single degree. Final goodbyes. The undisguised sadness of the final goodbye. My own-ness; of being me, mind and body and voice completely me. The flash of my red skin glowing with heat in a cold shower. Sweat sourness. Great love. Unreasonable hatred. The mass of the world whispering beneath my feet, the constant hum of the sound like an enormous wave or something more concrete. Rivers of icecube meltwater running down the cracks in the pavement. Small waves on an empty shore. New depths and the wonder of strangers; my own wonder, and theirs with me at their mercy, for the first time, all excitement and courtesy. Dried sand stuck to my shins. The irritation of sand and all the places it comes to rest: the dull corners of sticky cafe floors and old hallways all dark wood broken and distressed. My own throat sore with laughter, cheeks aching and the devastating brightness of a shop window reflecting the sun. Night skies with absolutely nothing in them. My hands, cracked from working in the heat and the blaze. The silent echo of lightning in a faraway place sitting right next to the horizon after the sun has gone away. Long, pale mornings with the window open as far as it will go. The feeling of my arms out of the window of a speeding car, not caring about whether anyone thinks I am indicating. Dirty drinking glasses on a rickety table. My black bare feet, resting up on a bench. Pure, idiot contentment and a strand of candyfloss tossed lightly on the breeze. Waking up on a weekday morning, with the smell of bonfire smoke clinging to the air, I thought that, perhaps, summer might be buried there under the leaves at the back of the garden, alongside all of the dead animals we once interred before my parents paved over everywhere.