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Ballads to be Forgotten (2010)

 

I know everything is as it is,
stretching and existing and walking off into the world,
and I know what it is to be weary,
un-lulled by the full weight of existence;
a strange bearded man leaning over
across the covers, to mumble
a handful of unfinished sentiments
into tired ears, sleepless and sober.

As a friend, universe, I have loved you from a distance,
pretending, with a smile,
that it was you standing beside me on the train,
wearing a dress that you would wear;
that those were
your fingertips which brushed against me
in the shudder of the last stop.

At home I dreamt about your secret face,
and where it could be found,
amongst all of the well-trodden ground
where grass has grown,
murmuring in my sleep, the weeds creeping around,
to slip back with a start, my one, small heart
pumping, wide awake and dimly alone.

I wish I had as much life,
as all the police cars outside my window
screaming off into the night.